Bring on the Change

I am thinking of how I have changed and am still changing. When I started DBT two years ago, it was not really a big group. Most of the time, it was me alone with the therapist. I completed the 12 weeks with [that therapist], and she gave me a certificate. I think that I was lucky; one-on-one is not so scary as talking in a group. It kept me coming back.

When there were others there, I saw myself in each of them. The boy who wore all black with long sleeves? That was me as a teenager. The girl who cried because she wanted her father's attention? I did that well into my twenties.




 They went to two meetings and never came back, and I saw myself in that, too.




Still I could see how it helped me, to *not give up.* Even though it seemed so stupid, and I had better things to do on my Thursday afternoon. Even though getting down to the hospital and home again on time was really stressful, and a challenge, I made it through the whole course.










That's when I felt proud of myself for just trying. That was when I realized that I could control my reaction to circumstances, even if things were bad, and the difference in that made a huge impact on every single day.




That was when things started to become different.




I found myself facing challenges more calmly. I stopped dwelling on my past mistakes. I looked forward to a new opportunity in tomorrow.




The materials presented by these facilities are the same - the parent company handles both facilities, after all - and they are intended to be effective for people of average to low intelligence and ability. People who didn't finish high school, who don't have jobs or don't stay at the low-quality jobs they get. DBT is for people whose personalities are volatile, who let their emotions run away with them.




People like me.




I was first and foremost affected by Dialectic Behavior Therapy when I looked at the group members AND the therapist and realized that I was no different than any of these people.




I have a high IQ. I am a high-functioning disabled person. I'm different - but I am the same. I think sitting in a group talking about how much life sucks is lame. I feel unwanted and unlovable sometimes. I hate having people look down on me, condescending to me, and I truly despise the thought of being laughed at. Still, I did it anyway. That made the first difference, and then my decision to keep attending made more differences.


Change is never, will never be easy; not if it is complete. It won't always be fun, although it can be sometimes. If it is worth it, you will know years later, when it has already begun.




When life has become something that is unbearable more often than it is enjoyable...



When you can't seem to feel comfortable in your own skin...



When you just don't understand why other people succeed where you fail...



It's time to try something you haven't tried before.




Bring on the change.