I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. At the age of 33, you would think I had waited a bit too long to start thinking about it. I have been talking to a few people, though, and I know I'm not alone.
How many of us decided to be astronauts when we grew up, only to change that plan when 6th grade math reared its ugly head? I went through lists and phases of "What do I wanna be" like water. Like water, direction is something that we truly need in life to continue on - it seems to be the difference between the 1% and the 99%.
In ten people I have spoken to recently, 6 of them share my seeming aimlessness. They didn't want the jobs they had, but had no clue as to what else they should do, and so they decided to keep muddling on in their 9 to 5. Three more of those ten people were satisfied with their careers and had no desire to change. The temptation of a little more money was not enough to get them to come out of their box. The last person insisted that his business was better than mine, because mine was "weird." He is working toward his own dream, and I wish him all the power in the world - because luck has nothing to do with it.
I realize that I didn't conduct an official poll, and that ten people can't represent the larger population, but I saw a pattern and I found it interesting.
Often, we let our circumstances dictate to use just how we should live out or dreams, or abandon them. Not enough money to go to Stanford? Better give up on that law degree. Blind? A career in the visual arts is not for you, photography included. Maybe I just don't have what it takes. The one I hear all the time is, "Hey Cheri! You're a good writer! Why don't you start a blog?" I'm living the dream at the public library for two hours a day.
Stepping outside the box is uncomfortable it makes us face some hard truths about ourselves. Learning braille has shown me that I am already blind, I have been in denial of it for a long time. It brought me closure of a sort, but it took years to go through the grief process. I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to need it, I told myself that the books I wanted to read would all be available in audio format, and I could live this way forever.
I don't want to.
Maybe we can decide what we want to be by making a list of what we don't want to be.
I don't want to be:
- Dependent on government welfare handouts
- Living in government housing for the rest of my life
- A parent of people who do the same.
That list was pretty intimidating, and it involves becoming an entirely new person. It certainly seems impossible, if you look at it from a victim's point of view.
But the number one thing I do not want to ever be is a victim.
So It is time to make a direction, if I can't find one lying in front of me, all pretty and wrapped up with a bow.
But Cheri, you say, you're just not a trailblazer. You're not a take-charge kind of person, how do you suppose you're going to become one?
In baby steps. That is exactly how. I might find that others are doing it faster. It may seem easier, the way they do it, and there might even be some who accuse me of standing in their way. I choose to believe that I am not standing in anyone's way, and I don't have to in order to succeed. I am not a fish in a pond, trying to get bigger by preying on other little fish. I am a human being, changing, learning, growing. I can live my life as honestly as I please, and become someone I am proud of.
In working toward my dream, I will come across many troubles. Big fish and little fish might try to prey on me, but I won't stoop to that level. I choose to build my future based on honesty, faith, integrity, and strength.
When I grow up, I want to be a good person, someone strong and dependable, motivating and inspiring, and honest and noble. No one will stop me, not even myself.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be the Irredeemable Ant-Man!
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