Getting ready to Change my Stars

It seems that, much like driving or texting, one should not blog drunk. It never comes out well.
The same goes for emotional blogging. Just like a sloppy, sappy drunk text to your ex, an overly emotional blog post can wreak havoc on your future, at least as a blogger.
However tonight, I just have to get this off my chest. I have so much to say.
It's Sunday night and I should be sleeping instead of writing. It has been a big day - my daughters, aged 10 and 11, made the choice to follow Christ, and were baptized today. It was beautiful, and I am incredibly proud.
The pastor got my mind working, though, during the service that followed.  No doubt he will kick himself when he reads this, because my mind does not work in the way that humans speak, especially humans in authority. I promise I listened to the homily! I simply made it into what my mind needed...

He mentioned the nature of humans to want to change, and in taking action toward change, expect overnight results in a big way. We disappoint ourselves often in this regard, because change is not so easily controlled or recorded.
Often, when we think we have changed so much, we really haven't changed at all. Putting on a new dress does not make me an established business manager. Getting baptized does not make me any more Christ-like than I was yesterday when I ate cheetos and watched The Big Bang Theory with my kids instead of cleaning my house  or doing good works.
So is it hopeless to think I could change, become a contributing member of society, provides for my family and be self-confident?
Change, even small change, is a daunting task, when viewed head-on. Still, it had to be acknowledged that one cannot earn the rewards without doing the work. A person who is merely trying to get by, who doesn't want to leave a place of security, who is afraid to rock the boat, is not the one doing the work
I'm not reaping anything but what I sow.
Can a man change his stars? I saw an ad on facebook tonight, posted in a local classifieds group, for a tract of land, some 30 acres.
It is magnificent and beautiful and I want it.
At this point in my life, though, I can't say "I'll take it!". I can't go to the bank and secure a mortgage of any kind, much less one for nearly $300,000.
Will there ever be a point when I can walk into that place that makes my heart feel like home and say, "Yes. This is mine."?
I have to believe that there will be, and that I can change my stars.
I know other people have clawed their way up from the dregs of humanity to stand on their own two feet, in a place if strength and joy. I know those people are made of some pretty stern stuff.
I think that this week I will examine what stuff those people are made of, what they did and what they now do to have that dream we all wish for.
I will immerse myself in these findings, I will incorporate what I learn, and I will become exactly who I want to be.
I will share them with you. We can make this journey together - I know I don't want to be alone.
And in the meantime, I will post pictures on my wall of the land in Indiana that makes my heart ache to go and rest there